Category: Singles Spit Swap
what do you think about friends with benefits?
Well as long as you don't start to grow feelings for that person, then it is alright. So as sson as one of the two friends find someone to be in a relationship with, then you must be able to back off.
hmm it's tricky area feelings can develop without warning and once they do its difficult to switch off and pretend you not attracted, its happened to me several times, and out of the 4 instances, only twice, have we managed to remain friends and I'm immensely relieved about that..
um. Friends with benefits? hell f-ing no!!! If the person I like just wanted to be my FWB, and get sex from me and nothing else, then forget it!!! My body is too precious to give away like that!!! I think that the person who agrees is someone who must be pretty desperate for a partner to subject themselves to that level!!! What are you gonna do when he, (this is just an example, it could very well be a girl who wanted to be just FWB's) called you up and wanted you to give him a blow job? I wouldn't put my lips on it for the world!!! But that's just my oppinion.
*Sexy*
I agree to a point but of course there is the other side in that you know this person,possibly intimately, and it's safer, more convenient and easier than getting to know a stranger to the same degree...
no, too much chance of getting emotionally involved, and besides, if you're that desperate for for sex, you could always pay for it, no emotional involvement there ...
thats a definite no! my body is to precious for that, and when i lose my virginity, i have to love the person with my heart and soul.
I agree with you. I was just asking all your opinion because one of my friends. Got used to it with all his other friends and he told me he never liked anyone. And I’m just wondering why did this guy never got attached to this friends of his? He told me he has not found the right one. There we go to a topic why do guys got emotionally attached longer than girls.
I don’t agree with his ideas of friends with benefits. I never wana try it and i just think that you need to wait for the right personm and right time to do it, in the night after your married. I just one of my conservative thoughts.
Well yeah the emotion thing is the worse part. If you get attached easily then this wouldn't be for you. And yes it is easier than finding a total stranger and safer. But it is not for everyone.
BB
True 1 maybe your friend was more frightened of commitment than he was prepared to admitn and used the excuse of a lack of attachmentn to hide his fear...
I think my preference really lies somewhere in between. A lot of guys are afraid of commitment actually (I guess some girls are too but it's definitely largely a guy thing). I'm not sure why that is but I've sensed it myself. I think, in general, peopple want to wait until they've travelled and gotten their career underway and well "done it all" almost before settling down into a relationship. I thik it's a fairly recent attitude and I've found myself turning 25 at least before seriously wanting a commitment that involved a family etc (which I still don'thave but I am getting to a point where I know I'd be happier with a family than by myself). So for guys under 20 I think this is largely true that they really don't want to commit and I'm seeing the same trend in girls actually, at least those that I know. I also think the more people you have sex with the less emotional or meaningful it becomes, especially if you start doing it just for the physical plasure of it. I don't see anything wrong with that per say but it is going to make it harder to make it a part of an emotional experience and I think it'll mess up the ide of relationship for the person that engages overly in tose things. Not that they can't have a successful relationship, I know of two girls (friends of friends sortof thing) that were infamous for picking up a new guy eveery weekend but about 2 years into that they both found guys that they've actually gotten married to and seem fine. Of course I don't know them first hand so I can't say for sure how the marriage is going but it looks good.
But, to me, I think once you are very close and pretty certain of wanting to have a future together sex is the next logical step and if both people want it I don't see why they have to get married first. To me I want to know that me and my future partner be compatible sexually to make sure we'd be hapy together. It's not all about sex, not by a long shot but I think it's an important part of people being together. After all the physical closeness is really what separates couples from very close friends, there are other factors but this is the most significant one. So, to me, I wouldn't wait until getting married but I'd really get to know the person well and feel there's something special there before venturing into sex land. Of course accidents can happen or people may just want to have sex and if they both want the same thing and feel the same way about it I am not going to object. Each to his, or her, own.
cheers
-B
An interesting point you make Wildebrew regarding, “To me I want to know that me and my future partner be compatible sexually to make sure we’d we happy together.” Well, now having been married eh some 25 years I can understand this point in some respects more than I did 30 years ago. For me I was the conservative teenager dating a conservative teenager. For four years we dated and to the degree folks that didn’t know anything about us took us for an “old married couple” as we vacationed together in the four years we dated before marriage. O.k. so our honeymoon was more liken to many persons first few dates together…. The thing is we were two really good friends, well, the Best of Friends who had learned that to that we could discuss anything together. And just thot everything would fall in place. *smile* ...and it did and bliss we knew and know. The thing is that in these years there have been those times when a couple finds the value to having been really communicative friends first for those times of seemingly incompatibility have came. I went through some major surgeries and we learned to make adjustments. He went through an auto accident with a result of broken ribs and a hip nearly crushed… again we had to talk it out, what was comfortable and what wasn’t and find new ways of once again becoming compatible. I guess my point is that fumbling, as it were, moments come and if they happen in say the first times does one give up and say well we aren’t sexually compatible and let a good thing go… We have learned as a couple to say would you mind doing this for me or trying this way because…… and in turn not finding any request to be offensive and rather coming to where we are able to work it out in a spirit of open talk and love. Connie
My trust was broken a long time ago. So now I can't trust any guy whom I might get romanticaly attached to. And sex comes after marriage in my books. It's so hard to find the right guy and when one does you feel like you've found the right one. When really it's not the case and then you feel like you've been used.
I also had my trust shattered by a person I was engaged to,she admitted to an affair shortly before we were due to get married! Man! talk about pole axed, I was too stunned to even ask for an explanation.....
however its 1 thing to hide away fearing the worst,but it's another to always expect it, as the prospective partner will recognise this expectation and panic...as they fear the relationship will consist of always having to prove themselves to you
Well, good point both cg and goblin. I've met so many peole who say "oh I hate guys, they always cheat because this guy I was dating etc etc etc" like we've all been stamped just becauseof the actions of one guy and that way if we were to date that girl we'd have to prove oursselves to the girls over and over and beend over backwards and being suspected of all sorts of cheating etc just because someone we never met never knew and we certainly did not want to know mistrated the girl. It's like being stamped a cheater before even getting into a relationship. I think it's all about onesty andopen communication. And how do you know you've found the right guy when you're married, will that stop him from wanting a divorce or cheating .. or from you to meet the guy of your dreams when you are already married and cheat. So many people say "oh, I'd never do that" and still the divorce rate is going up by the year. Marriage doesn't really save anything, if the relationship is open and full of trust and honest and loving a marriage is a true beautiful statement of that to the world. If it's not that way marriage is not the answer or the solution. So by the same token, to me if a realtionship is that good I feel people are close enough to enjoy each other physically and it doesn't matter if they're married or not.
But there's nothing wrong with waiting until you get married to consumate your love if that's what people want. I respect that decission of theirs and think it's great.
Cheers
-B
I just want the benefitts not the friends, not worth having friends.
well and truly agree with SG. It is absolutely rubbish to me - way I've been brought up - I just can't get my head around thinking that sex can be used by ppl with intentions any less than the "love making" reason for the relationship.
and also BG, SB has your answer. it's already been covered!
Unless you can get them too drunk to complain about your company eh?